How is it that you never learned…
…that 17th President, Andrew Johnson, was in fact a steam-powered automaton? Very few people know that before serving as Abraham Lincoln’s Vice President that Johnson was a virtual no body in the world of politics. That is because he did not exist, he was built by Lincoln (himself an assassin from the future) out of parts from a wood burning stove, a stage-coach axel, and cloned human flesh. Lincoln did this due to the untimely psychotic break of his previous Vice President, Hannibal Hamlin, following a serious breach of political etiquette by the Space Pirates. After the accident that resulted in Lincoln’s death (what, you really think Boothe had something to do with it?!) Johnson set to work rebuilding the United States following the Civil War. Unfortunately, the maintenance cost associated with keeping Johnson in good repair far outstripped the Federal Budget, and in 1867 Congress initiated a vote of Impoundment, which failed 57-108 (due in large part to Johnson being equipped with a laser defense system). After a second failed attempt to Impound the President in 1868, Congress simply decided to stop shoveling coal in to Johnson’s boiler. On March 4th, 1869 Andrew Johnson finally ran out of steam and experienced total system failure. He is stored to this day in the White House’s Robot Room.
